OH! ME ME ME! *Jumps up and down*
I know exactly how you feel, and surprisingly I have found in most of the lesbian community I'm not taken seriously because "well you do have 3 ex husbands..." Yah and your point?
Anyway hang in there hon. It's a hard road to walk but it's great when we have support.

I've identified as bisexual since I started becoming sexual, and have had a life of loving that has not been limited by gender.

After a number of relationships with women and men, I fell in love and decided to make a lifetime commitment to a woman. Now that I have been with my life partner for twelve years, and because I plan on sticking around for a long time, most people would insist that makes me a lesbian/dyke.

If you're hooked on labels, I guess that works. But my ability to love and fall in love and have sexual feelings are still not limited by gender, no matter who tries to dismiss me with simple compartmentalizations. The truth is that I am complex and fluid, vibrant and dynamic, queer and bisexual. My heart has been broken wide open to love, and I embrace it fully.

I celebrate and support our community in every way possible, and don't let the bigotry, ignorance, misogyny, homophobia, and heterosexism I experience in and out of the community hold me down.

May everyone everywhere find exactly what they need to end suffering.

"Omnivore" works for me. All I know is my life feels empty and lonely without a woman to love, no matter how many fine men I have great relationships with.

People who cannot at least handle the complexity implied in those two sentences will bore me/ be disturbed by anything longer and deeper than a one-week fling with me.

This actually turns out to work in everybody's favor.

When I look for a place to live, I take into consideration whether it's going to be a safe place for the cats and the dog. As a result, I end up living in places that are safer and healthier for me. I think the criteria of accepting complexity that is presented by my nonstereotypical identity works similarly.

Sexuality is a work in progress... at least that's my experience. It continues to change, even with the seasons. Go with the flow, and don't stress out too much about it!

I never really tried to do the boy thing., to my parents chagrin. ;-)

Bravo Eden! Sexual identity is a lifelong journey and our tastes/attractions are likely to change thoughout it.

I was strictly boys all the way through high school but girls always held a certain fascination for me. Discovered the sublime joys of another woman shorlty after I graduated. Went "bi" for a while. Met a great guy who encouraged me to explore with girls, but not in that creepy "only if I can watch/tape/invite the boys over kind of way. The more I was able to explore, the more I realized it was who I was. So Man and I split on great terms after 4 years together.

I came out to my family (who were not pleased) and friends (who were not suprised) and then sort of felt like a fish out of water. Now what? Is there some secret underground society of wise sage lesbians who will tell me what my next move should be? Unfortunately, no such luck.

Ended up doing the unthinkable: Fell hoh for my married straight best friend..... BAD IDEA! Long story short: Her husband, she and I ended up in a two year poly commitment that ended in their divorce and none of us speaking for several years.

Next Stop? Back in the closet for me. My reasoning? At least when I was with men it didn't hurt so bad and my mother was still speaking to me. Bad decision again, granted, but at the time it felt like the only thing TO do. I wanted to be "normal" again. I wanted people to not look at me funny because of the photos on my desk.

So I digressed back into all man land. Dated a few fellows. Ended up in a long term with a great guy. He was my best friend. We had the companionship and platonic intimacy but when it came to sexual intimacy, we never quite made it. I joke that we both had our minds elsewhere (Me thinking of girls, him thinking of other girls). We split and I felt like I was back where I had started. I couldn't get my mind off of it.

Then I started to get scared. I worried what my family would say/do, my friends, my job. Could I continue to live my life denying what I wanted? If I confined my outlet to sex only,what it would mean for me outside of the bedroom? Could I be content this way? I decided the answer was no. I needed to be able to live my life how I saw fit and allow myself to build relationships and fall in love with whomever that felt right with.

I'd say I'm still in this stage in some ways though. My family doesn't know. Some of my friends still think I 'just haven't found the right guy,' and I still have difficulty getting close to women and really opening up. But I know that being with a woman/women is what is right for me.

Thanks for raising the issue. I empathize with your path, Eden. I went through high school fully interested/obsessed with boys. I did the whole sighing/fantasising/moping about them, but never seemed to really hook up with anyone. My male relationships in college were lukewarm and frightful. Then I met women. And they actually liked me! They thought I was attractive, sexy, beautiful, interesting. Well, shit, there's the obvious choice! So I fell in love with the female race, and I still am. But. I can't help but wonder, am I just scared? Do I not allow male relationships to happen because it's unknown territory and I don't trust them an inch? What would have happened if I had supportive, caring male role models in my life? Would it now be easier to let a man see the tender side of me? Well. These are thoughts. I don't really take action on them, because women ARE wonderful. But they hover in my head, waiting.

I totally pushed my feelings back in my mind when I was in high school and younger... I was like, well if I tell myself to like guys long enough, it will happen. Finally when I graduated high school, I couldn't deal with not feeling chemistry with anyone I was actually dating. I found out later that my friend's were sort of waiting for me to tell them. So I guess I was kind of lucky, everything turned out pretty good.

first i want to say that i see sexual attraction on a big continuum, and i wish we lived in a world that didn't need labels, but that isn't the case so we label even though very few of us has a cut-and-dried sexual history.

i can totally relate. i am 42. i have two teenagers. i have been out as a lesbian, with a woman partner for just 3, count them THREE years. this is because i was so completely BRAINWASHED by society and family expectations that i never NEVER even entertained that possibility that i might be a lesbian even though i had to fantasize about women to get through sex with any man; i was filled with self-loathing every time i had sex with a man (and was pretty sick of the man too--yes, this should have been a huge tip-off)--i fell in love with them too now and then, but that's not the same as being sexually attracted to them; i always thought the women were hot in movies, never the men; i perfected a way to watch women in public without being seen; i would play a game when i was bored where i would look at every women that passed by me and find at least one beautiful thing about her; etc. etc.

finally, through therapy, i started to question my relationship with my husband of 14 years and he, trying to control the situation and me, took me to swingers clubs and started a very destructive relationship with another couple, where i became very attached and everyone else was just playing--i nearly became insane (seriously). i finally was able to realize that i had to get out of my marriage, even though it meant leaving my family behind for awhile (they thought that i was losing my mind) and giving up a pretty cushy life for a much more difficult one. but you know, i had no choice. it was either leave or die. and my children are fine and happy and i have a wonderful partner and my family has come around and we are financially stable and i'm mentally stable. that's alot. now, when i look back, i can't believe i went 42 years fooling myself, but it just shows how strongly society influences us.

but here's the thing: that continuum thing. it changes, i think, for some people, for many people. and i think if we were able to be more honest about who we love and why and labels didn't matter, then the continuum would be more obvious. because really, the only thing that's important is who you love and who you want to have sex with.

having said that, i do have to mention that i love being part of the whole lesbian culture and having a connection with other lesbians. wait, i should say SOME other lesbians. some lesbians try to avoid lesbians at all costs like if we're seen together in public the secret will be out. news flash: everyone already knows!!! :-)

j.