Safe lesbian sex...?

topic posted Thu, June 1, 2006 - 7:40 AM by  Brena
Hello, not new, but haven't posted in a long time.

So, recently in my life HIV has been popping up. A couple of my friends have tested positive and it really jolted me being before this, I hadn't been personally affected by this disease. So, about three weeks ago I was tested and yesterday I got my results back. I'm negative, not only for HIV but for Gonorrhea (sp?) and chlamydia(sp). So I've been spared. When the nurse asked me if I wanted any condoms I said, no thanks...thinking...I really don't need those. Besides I have a plentiful stash for whatever reason. Then, I thought, well wait a minute here. I have honestly never considered sex with women. Really. Nobody ever talks about it, and Herpes can easily be spread from woman to woman...right? It's never in the news, MTV doesn't remind women to use "protection" in their "awareness" commercials... What's the haps? Is it really not important? So, I swallowed and opened my mouth and asked.... can I have dental dam? The nurse was ecstatic. Hell, I've never even seen dental dam before. LOL, let alone used it. How much of a mood killer is this shit, I was thinking? Will I ever meet a woman who respects this? Who here practices safe oral sex? Does it feel tremendously different? Does your partner agree to this?? Help me out here..

posted by:
SF Bay Area
  • Re: Safe lesbian sex...?

    Thu, June 1, 2006 - 1:54 PM
    Well, I am sorry about your friends testing pos. I am glad for you that you tested negative. I commend you for being so brave to ask the nurse about dental dams. I always end up in long term monogamous relationships. So, I've never really used them consistantly. Mostly, we've experimented with them. The times I had brief liasons, I didn't use a dental dam. My partner and I always use condoms on our dildos and stuff and an occasional rubber glove. So, basically, I don't practice safe oral sex. However, I am aware of the risks. Hopefully, somebody else can comment more on this. Cheers.
  • Re: Safe lesbian sex...?

    Thu, June 1, 2006 - 3:03 PM
    Thanks for your post Brena. As an HIV counselor, the info I have is that oral sex for anyone (who is not experiencing bleeding from lesions or surgery in the mouth) is safer around HIV risk than many other kinds of sex. By safe I mean safe on the order of French kissing, discipline and bondage, mutual masturbation.
    Where there is blood or penetration of vaginas or butts with shared toys or uncapped penises, the risk of HIV transmission goes way up. To take a lesson from our gay brothers and get tested regularly, then choose partners who have the same HIV status we do, also lowers our risk, as well as getting us into a STD clinic regulary for new info, talking to a counselor, or hearing about new toys.
    A lot of women don't get tested regularly, so by default are having risky sex because they don't know the status of their partners and THEIR partners, either.
    Other STDs are easier to spread and therefore even more important to be on top of your status. Again, great big hugs from a member of your community for taking care of your health and putting your initiative up here for us to hear about.
  • Re: Safe lesbian sex...?

    Mon, June 5, 2006 - 7:18 AM
    I am fluid bonded to one woman (we have an agreement of unprotected sex only with each other) and with others I have sex with it is safe sex only (gloves, condoms, dental dams). I came out in Los Angeles and there was no such thing as safe sex down there. It didn't make any sense. Then I moved to San Fran where everyone is a sex educator and got grilled about not using safety. Now, it is weird for me not to use safety.

    Incidently, I found the best dental dams in the world and they are made specifically for sex as opposed to normal dental dams which are made for dentists. Sheer Glyde dental dams are so thin you can feel everything giving and receiving AND they are large enough to cover enough surface area. You can find them online:
    • Unsu...

      Re: Safe lesbian sex...?

      Fri, June 9, 2006 - 3:57 PM
      That is an awesome product. And I commend you and your partner for being safe and responsible.
      • Re: Safe lesbian sex...?

        Sun, June 11, 2006 - 5:07 AM
        These are a few websites that I have found helpful...

        It seems that the health care system indicates that lesbian women and straight women have aproximately the same infection rate. However research is not conclusive because lesbian women are not often the control group.

        For safe sex, use barriers on/between body parts and toys.

        My recent trip to the testing center I aksed the std specialist about HPV and if it is possible to contract it through w/w unprotected oral sex, the nurse replied, "well, I suppose so if you have a depressed inmmune system that would permit a virus......." she tried to be helpful really, but stats are that 70% of the general pop have hpv (there are many strains) and it is transmitted via skin to skin contact........only three strains can lead to/cause cervial cancer and a vaccine is available in Europe that prevents all three, I think it is "pavix" is available here, it protects against one and is not as effective as the UK one......oh yeah my point, um, well......sometimes health care providers are not so up to date on the w/w transmission of stds......ok there finished. whooo.....
  • Re: Safe lesbian sex...?

    Tue, June 13, 2006 - 5:11 PM
    I got herpes from oral sex with a tool who didn't realize "cold sores" WERE herpes.
    It blows.
    I'm now a safety nut.
    Dental dams all the way!
    I work at my school's women's center so we sell condoms for 10cents and dental dams for 25 cents.
    I think i'll stock up before i graduate.

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